So I’ve never been the New Year’s resolution making kind of person but apparently my mom really really really is, because not only did she think of ten things that I should be doing in 2006 but she then typed them up and emailed the list to me. This is my Little Yellow Different moment of the year so far, except with ellipses instead of aaiiyahs. Here’s the list:

• be more practical in looking for a job…
• be down to earth…
• try an eight to five job first, so you have bread on the table…
• clean your room… men appreciate orderliness which is next to godliness¹…
• try looking for a job in another place, outside new york…
• consider [ex-boyfriend’s name redacted] again…²
• consider a teaching job… it will be good for you, especially in a university town , not nyc… you can bet, you will be married in a year’s time³…
• consider interior design⁴, now that your landlady is an architect…
• send me email regularly…
• wake up early…the early bird gets the worm…

Why she couldn’t have just said, “Look, get a job, get a man and email me once in a while” I will never understand.
I did send her an email yesterday though…
¹ She knows I’m an atheist, so WTF.
² Considered: I’d be so unhappy I’d slit my wrists. Pass!
³ Why the hurry?
⁴ Going back to school to do something I have no interest in based on my roommate’s occupation? This makes no sense.