best of

lem, love & tensor algebra

I love me some good science fiction so I’ve been actively working on reading the classics of the genre over the past decade, and it’s always stuck in my craw that I haven’t read anything by the Polish writer Stanislaw Lem. I finally got around to reading his short story collection The Cyberiad last week and thought it was magnificent, especially Trurl’s Electronic Bard, in which the constructor Trurl creates a machine that writes poetry. His friend and rival, the constructor Klaupacius, envious of what Trurl has done, tries to confound it by requesting it write “a love poem, lyrical, pastoral, and expressed in the language of pure mathematics. Tensor algebra mainly, with a little topology and higher calculus, if need be. But with feeling, you understand, and in the cybernetic spirit.”
I loved the resulting poem, but my undergraduate degree is in creative writing—my knowledge of mathematics is almost entirely forgotten from high school and just enough for me to broadly get the jokes within. I decided that wasn’t good enough, set myself a-googling (I learned more about math this past hour googling than I did in college) and came up with the annotated version of the poem you see below. I didn’t bother to define some terms (I figured if I knew what they meant most everybody else interested would) and others I likely didn’t pick the best definition because I didn’t know any better, so please feel free to point out my mistakes and suggest better links in the comments. Otherwise, enjoy the annotated Electronic Bard’s poem of love and tensor algebra:

Come, let us hasten to a higher plane
Where dyads tread the fairy fields of Venn,
Their indices bedecked from one to n
Commingled in an endless Markov chain!

Come, every frustum longs to be a cone
And every vector dreams of matrices.
Hark to the gentle gradient of the breeze:
It whispers of a more ergodic zone.

In Riemann, Hilbert or in Banach space
Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways.
Our asymptotes no longer out of phase,
We shall encounter, counting, face to face.

I’ll grant thee random access to my heart,
Thou’lt tell me all the constants of thy love;
And so we two shall all love’s lemmas prove,
And in our bound partition never part.

For what did Cauchy know, or Christoffel,
Or Fourier, or any Boole or Euler,
Wielding their compasses, their pens and rulers,
Of thy supernal sinusoidal spell?

Cancel me not – for what then shall remain?
Abscissas some mantissas, modules, modes,
A root or two, a torus and a node:
The inverse of my verse, a null domain.

Ellipse of bliss, converge, O lips divine!
The product of our scalars is defined!
Cyberiad draws nigh, and the skew mind
Cuts capers like a happy haversine.

I see the eigenvalue in thine eye,
I hear the tender tensor in thy sigh.
Bernoulli would have been content to die,
Had he but known such a2 cos 2 ψ!

More about Stanislaw Lem: official site, Wikipedia entry, great article from The Modern Word. If you don’t read science fiction and Lem’s name sounds familiar it’s probably because his novel Solaris has been adaptated for the silver screen twice, most recently in 2002, directed by Steven Soderburgh and starring George Clooney.
Thanks to Ranjit for lending me the book out of his excellent personal library!

marvel swimsuit special

Andy Baio linked to Video game gals take it off for Playboy yesterday and asked, “what’s next, the Ladies of Marvel Comics?”
rogue & gambit
It’s not quite the same thing, but people who were comic book nerds in the early 90s might remember that Marvel did actually publish special swimsuit issues once a year from 91 through 95. The first was called Marvel Illustrated Swimsuit Issue (cause, you know) but subsequent editions were called the Marvel Swimsuit Special. I have copies of Illustrated and Swimsuit Special 92 in my old room back at my mom’s house and remember them fondly, they were totally tongue-in-cheek, complete with cheesy ads starring your favorite characters, like Wolverine shilling for Macho Deodorant. The commentary was mostly funny and the art was great (even though this was right about the time that Rob Liefeld‘s distorted anatomy style was taking off).
You can see covers from 91 to 93 on SpiderFan.org. Rogue was on the covers of both 93 and 94, sharing the second one (the “Mad for Madripoor!” issue) with Gambit; you can see those covers on this French Rogue fansite, which is where I got the Brothers Hildebrandt illustration of Rogue and Gambit on an alien beach you see above.
Rogue’s Swimsuit Pinup Page has a bunch of pictures of scantily clad X-Men characters of the female persuasion, some of which come from Swimsuit Special issues; the best ones are Storm and Kitty Pryde in bikinis, Rogue diving off a waterfall, Jean Grey in a pond, Domino and Cable (!!!) in bikinis, Rachel Summers with the Phoenix Force and hanging out with demons, and finally a spread of the X-Men ladies lounging under a waterfall.
Alas, the only group pinup I could find online of Marvel men is a small scan of Wolverine, The Thing, Beast and The Hulk in trunks,though I must say it was one of my favorites when I got the magazine. Immortal Thor.net’s Professional Artwork page has scans from all five Swimsuit issues; my favorites are Thor’s Flic disposable razor ad, beach bum Thor and Enchantress doing a L’il Kim impression before there even was a L’il Kim.