In the future, many, many years of hard work by highly-paid reproductive scientists finally make it possible for a gay man and a post-menopausal diva to finally reproduce. Only the strange, strange product of their strange, strange love was unhappy growing up in the shadow of his strange, strange parents and wanted to live, if not a normal life, then one where he could at least make something of himself without always having “the son of” appended to his name, but it seemed to be an impossible dream.
He knew from the photos scattered around his family home that the scarred recluse who lived in their pool house was once a very famous man who ruined his life having surgery after failed surgery in the attempt to make himself over in the glamorous image of his mother. He always pitied this poor, broken thing, until he realized just how exploiting his own resemblance to his mother could change his life. Until the day he realized the only place he could ever be anything other than “the son of” was… the past. *cue dramatic music*
Long story short, he murdered his parents to get his inheritance a little earlier, used the money to fund time travel research and escaped to 1986 as soon as he could, to murder their house guest while he was still successful and take his life over. This explains both Michael Jackson’s horrendous visage of recent years (not so much the result of misguided plastic surgery as attempts to save him from the ugly side effects of experimental time travel) and why Bad wasn’t quite as good as Thriller.

And no, I’m not doing drugs. No, really.
I read about the crazy ass David Gest/Diana Ross rumor on Gawker and watched this unfold in my dreams Thursday night. So it’s all Choire’s fault.
Also, my favorite comment so far about this rumor is from this page, by Doom Nation:

Naw lady, everybody dosen’t know Ms Ross is strictly dickly. Do you really know? We do know that she’s dramatically drunkally. She’s been out there in Hollywood. Who’s knows if she’s had girlz under her hood. She could be into experimentation. Maybe this Gest guy is swinging big time wood. Don’t let looks decieve you. I’ve read that Gest is a revitalizer of has beens. Maybe Ms Ross is trying to make a comeback. I could see this; Ms Ross sings the national anthem at the Master’s and Gest walks by and pulls off her bra exposing silicon enchanced tities. Sorry folks but Ms Ross is doomed

update: Brad points out Best Week Ever also arrived at the formula—but not the accompanying story. That particular craziness is mine, all mine.

Speaking of hate, I like this 2001 interview with Kelis where she speaks about speaking about hate:

drDrew.com: What’s interesting to me is that you sing “I hate you so much right now.”
K: That’s important, that’s really important. No one ever notices that, but that’s so fucking key; it’s not forever. I say it all the time. It’s that momentary feeling and it’s a feeling of outrage. People say that hate is a really strong word and it is. “Right now” makes it so real. You can be in love with someone and at that moment you can hate them because of something that they’ve done or something they’ve said or however they’ve made you feel. Sometimes we don’t say it because it’s like, “Oh, I really love this person.’ Fuck that: You’ve pissed me off really bad and I hate you right now. I can’t say it any better.

If you’ve missed the reference, check out the lyrics to “Caught Out There” off her 1999 debut Kaleidoscope. Frankly that song terrifies me, although it’s great to listen to when you’re pissed off. Having said that, I’m not really a fan of hers although I think her current single “Milkshake” is an excellent piece of work. If you haven’t seen the video for it yet, now’s your chance.

If you’ve heard about Dogster, the social network for dogs, and have wondered, “Is my pal Jarvis on there?” The answer is yes, yes he is.
[ via Caterina.net ]

I first saw the fabulous Wau Wau Sisters in December when they opened for Kiki & Herb at Bowery Ballroom and loved them so much I resolved to take all my friends to see them sometime in the near future.
Well, the near future turned out to be last Wednesday when they headlined at Knitting Factory. Alaina, David and Adriana were my posse, and good fun was had by all. Highlights of the evening (apart from the gorgeous Tanya and Adrienne, of course) were crazy accordion man Corn Mo‘s cover of Queen’s “We Are The Champions” and Neal Medlyn‘s striptease. Not only is he the Paris Hilton of performance art, but his milkshake is better than yours. Also his legs would put any supermodel to shame.
My photos of the Wau Waus: see their Knitting Factory show or as Kiki & Herb’s opening act.

Lille and Mich are both in town for a few weeks so I brought them to Remote Lounge the other night.
We spent the first few minutes looking at other people, giggling over them until we noticed the camera at our booth was moving, which meant someone was looking at us. Interesting social experiment when you’re with a small group of friends, but I don’t know that it would be so much fun with a large group or if you were with your date or partner. Or parent, for that matter.

Last Sunday I got to see both the Wau Wau Sisters and Kiki & Herb with Chris, Sparky, Glenn, Andy and a few other people at Bowery Ballroom.
Chris did a great job of summing the night up so I’ll just tell you about my favorite part. We were right up at the stage so I got lots of photos of the Wau Waus and Kiki, and while I was trying to frame one of my last shots of Kiki as she was talking between songs she stopped and said,
Kiki: Excuse me, are you trying to take a picture up my skirt?
Lia: No, Kiki, just your legs! Your gorgeous legs!
Kiki: Herb, Herb, she just paid me a compliment. (to the audience) Remember, it’s not about how I make you feel, it’s about how I make ME feel.
We had a moment, people. Fleeting, yes, but still.
Runner-up moment was having my picture taken with Tanya of the Wau Waus. She’s incredibly nice and although it seems impossible she’s even hotter off stage than on—but (like Andy) I think I have a bigger crush on Adrienne. Their Sister Christian number finally makes the ten years I spent in Catholic school totally worthwhile.