“Lately I’ve heard a lot of people ask, ‘Is Steve Guttenberg really that nice?'” he said. “And I think, how shitty. When you’re a prick, people believe it right away. No questions asked. If you’re really nice, people are like, ‘Is he really that nice, what’s up his sleeve?’ Oh, fuck you.”
Helen Mirren, in a bikini, at 63. Looks better than any 23-year-old starlet I can think of.
Asimov’s 30 Laws of Robotics: “8. A robot may not act in such a fashion as would make dogs obsolete, because dogs are less expensive than robots, and robots should be reserved for science things.”
Fourteen Passive-Aggressive Appetizers, by Yoni Brenner: “6. For a taste of the U.K., fry up mini-servings of fish-and-chips. Take it to the next level by wrapping them in small pieces of newspaper, which, oddly enough, all seem to be printed with unfavorable reviews of Jeff ’s novel.”
It’s not surprising at all that Manny Pacquiao completely demolished David Diaz to win his fourth world title in four different weight classes—he’s widely considered the best pound-for-pound fighter in boxing—but what is pretty amazing is that apparently so many Filipinos were glued to their screens during the bout that there were zero major crimes reported in Metro Manila during Pacquiao vs Diaz, and 30% less cars on the road than usual Sundays. [ via angry asian man ]
Christoph Niemann’s sons are obsessed with the NYC subway system: “The A train pulled in, and Gustav (who had been hoping for the C) started throwing a fit. However, the other passengers in the car gave me warm smiles. I guess they hadn’t seen that many 3-year-olds sobbing, “Local…I want the local.” I would love this story even if Niemann’s illustrations weren’t note perfect—and they are! This made me so happy today.
David Sedaris on nit-picky fact checkers: “I take a story, put it on a scale, and say, “OK, if this is 96 percent true, that’s an acceptable ratio for ground beef, and it’s more than acceptable for heroin and cocaine, so I’m going to call it nonfiction.” [ via The Morning News ]
How to nap, a primer from the Boston Globe. Alternately you can come over and learn from the master himself, Jarvis—he naps 22 hours a day so lessons are conducted primarily through osmosis, but as a Jarv-trained champion napper myself, I can personally assure you of their effectivity.
Being single can really suck sometimes but, holy shit, at least I’m not Alison Smith: “Her first husband ran off with her mum after just 10 days, her second was a last minute stand-in for a fiance who jilted her and the third was a bigamist. Now she has admitted fourth spouse Alex Shepherd cheated on her while they were engaged. They split – but Alison took him back then popped the question herself.” She’s married to her fourth jerk, and she’s only twenty-four! [ via Fark ]
The Authentic Women’s Penis Size Preference Chart—plotted on an x-y axis of circumference and length, it rates penises from not satisfying to ideal and says the perfect penis is from just above 7″ to just above 8″ long, and 6″ to 6 1/2″ around. [ via Peggy’s Buzz ]